Young Man, You Need Hair

Yesterday afternoon I went for a stroll, passing by the nurse's station with my IV stand asking which of two major roadways outside the hospital would be better for a jog. In reply, the nurses suggested one over the other but said that I would likely be picked up by authorities - told them I had a pass for that. I didn't really make it out of the hospital, opting instead to walk each floor to see what was where - for no particular reason, I had yet to visit the second floor. As I passed one room an elderly man yelled out from his bed "Young man, you need hair!" Given that invitation I sat in this gentleman's room and learned that he was a Russian who had been a part of the 322 Rifle Division of the Red Army in World War II.

The 322 Rifle Division was involved with liberating the Auschwitz concentration camp on January 27, 1945. This gentleman was yet another humble reminder to me about people who had it bad. He described everything that they found as they liberated the camp and although I am somewhat familiar with World War II history because of my Dad's involvement as a bomber pilot - this amount of detail that I learned probably isn't recorded anywhere.

The part of his story that was so sad was that his son was a Russian prisoner-of-war held in one of Auschwitz's camps. Ten days before the liberation the Germans apparently began evacuating the prisoners to another camp by way of death marches and this gentleman's son was amongst that group and died on the march. In spite of the depressing facts, the talk was a good one. Made all the better when I learned from a nurse I passed as I left that this gentleman doesn't have any visitors.

I then returned to my floor via the stairwell, carrying my IV tree, just to mess with the staff on my floor.

My room is the talk on the floor because of the refrigerator that Kim's parents bought as a gift for me. I'm again in the "suite" with a great view and pretty good size. One of the first orders of business when I got here to the hospital was a phone call to the meal service asking them to refrain from even thinking about bringing me food - just can't eat it. Also brought my one-cup coffee maker, so I am set.

The regimen thus far is going well. This course A is better than the course B. I've passed the time doing work, working my way through e-mails, and playing a video game that my Mom bought me as a gift during her visit. My room seems to also be the popular room for the nurses to visit, probably because of the larger size and my speaker system with some tunes. It is funny being the resident police officer - everyone has a story to tell.

My poor Kim has caught the cold that Courtnie has had for a few days. Sadly no visit from them today. Courtnie advanced a belt in karate last night!!! She did really well and I am so proud of her, I wish I could have been there to see it. She really loves her teacher - Ms. Michelle, who is an AWESOME teacher. I'll have to post some pictures when I get them.

I found the following on the Internet and wanted to pass it along:

BUTTERFLY

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed!

Trust in God. Always !

At long last...

Okay, I am finally back and have plenty to write as it has been building up over this last stretch of time.

First and foremost, I'm feeling a lot better. The pneumonia is pretty much gone as of today - just a little residual crud in the chest. I'm sure that I may very well have more of that in my future, but hopefully it won't be as bad. The pneumonia combined with the bad blood counts really wasn't fun.

Has taken awhile to get to feeling good but I've finally made it. A lot has gone on since the last post. Kimmie and I met with a stem cell transplant specialist and learned a great deal about that process. Gave us a lot to think about as we contemplated the decision whether or not to do a stem cell transplant at this point. I have decided not to do the stem cell transplant.

In addition to going through the decision-making process on the stem cell transplant, my Mom visited from out of town and we had an awesome time. It was great to have the time together and also great to have all the great meals that she and Kimmie made! My Mom is an awesome cook. She and Kimmie also planted a whole mess of bulbs in the back yard with Courtnie's help. The whole visit was too short but was nothing but a good time. Kim's folks, unsurprisingly, allowed my Mom to stay at their house and I am very thankful to them for yet one more thing.

It is funny, for a good deal of the time that has lapsed since my last real posting I literally could not get on the computer to type. During that time I would usually be laying in bed feeling less than chipper but I frequently thought of this blog and what a blessing it is to me - to be able to write, to be on the receiving end of so many supportive wishes, and hopefully to occasionally write or share something that helps someone else.

I have to say that even if I could have typed during the down time I had - I don't know that I would have. This last period I had to do all I could do to remind myself how lucky I was - I'm surrounded my awesome family, I'm supported by awesome friends, I am in a better position than others who face MCL, my doctor is brilliant and proactive in making me as comfortable as I can be made to be... I could go on and on. I mention this because it can't be said too many times and I'll never be able to thank everyone enough. I also mention this because, as I said, I don't know that I would have written here because at the time I didn't have the words. That was a function of getting too focused on myself and forgetting how this cancer is affecting everyone I know. So I waited to write. There were over 1,100 'hits' on this blog from my last post till today, and I've received over 400 e-mails in that same period of time... for those that have been waiting for more and/or a reply - my apologies and you can now expect to see more on the blog and replies to e-mails.

That is especially true because tomorrow I am headed back to the hospital for Course A and should have some time on my hands. The chemotherapy is cumulative so I expect that this Course A will be possibly a smidgen harder than the first Course A, yet it will be infinitely easier than the Course B I last did. I'm typing this as I get my first drug - Rituxan - at Dr. Lee's office.

I just read this article and wanted to share it because so many of those that I know are leaders. But I believe the information is useful for anyone because I've always been of the opinion that no matter who you are, you are 'leading' someone - be it a child, friend who looks to you for advice, family member that has lost there way... etc. Anyhow, here's the article for anyone interested... http://discussionleader.hbsp.com/taylor/2008/05/memo_to_a_young_leader_what_ki.html

And this is a related quote that I think is good too... "People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech."
-- Edwin H. Friedman

I'm soon to be unhooked so I will conclude here and write more once I'm in the hospital. My thanks again to everyone for helping me through this.

Gale Warning

I used to race catamaran's with an uncle growing up. It was a lot of work but also a lot of fun. Typical of me, one time I decided to go out 'solo' with the obvious signs of a storm on the horizon and the water.

Storms aren't the end of the world for sailing. In fact, I'd go out intentionally as I had this time because with the right sail and experience, some awesome sailing could be had. Problem with storms is you don't necessarily know how severe they are going to be as you watch them approach. Bigger problem is sometimes, some people, get way off from shore when I, I mean they, see flags like this go up on shore...

Well, the one time in particular that I'm thinking of when I went out by myself to sail in the storm is memorable mostly because it is VERY difficult to drag an overturned catamaran, in a storm, for even a short distance. But there I was, swimming with a makeshift rope harness pulling my beloved catamaran which was too large to right for one-person - for nearly three hours... It was miserable. The water was cold, the waves were relentless, the storm's wind and rain conspired to drown me, and there were only two choices - swim or drown.

The time between my last post and this one has been that experience. The lack of word from me was literally because I could not even get on the laptop to get the update out. Good news is - here I am with an update.

I won't bore you with the blow-by-blow details of this last bout with adversities. In summary, my blood counts fell to all time lows - in particular my platelet count went dangerously low along with my white blood cells and that required a platelet transfusion; along with that it was found I had pneumonia in my right lung (which I think I've had to a degree since we started the chemotherapy but became a real problem when 'Course B' knocked me flat). Those two things put me in the hospital again for monitoring and antibiotics. To summarize my summary - I've had an unpleasant time between my last post and this one.

Things have improved dramatically however. I don't know, once again, where I would have been without Kimmie's help - she pulled me through again. It is so distressing for me to be so unable to help her - I want to at least cook meals or something... for those of us that are this sick, our caregivers are gifts from God. Thank you Kimmie.

I again appreciate the support I feel of all. I will have more posts soon. Definitely have dropped down to taking things day-by-day, if not hour-by-hour right now but even if I can't write I do read comments and e-mails and thank you for those. I wish everyone the best!